Your tits are I can't wait for
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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