i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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