thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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