I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
