So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
