Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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