Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
