just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
