Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
