i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
