So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
