Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
