I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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