No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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