She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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