Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
