I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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