My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
