Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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