Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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