dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
