I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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