lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
