why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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