i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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