I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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