I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
