Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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