found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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