The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
