Screwed.edu
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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