she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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