I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
