end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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