We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
