Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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