would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize