wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
