Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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