how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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