Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
