Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
