I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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