everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
