eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
