My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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