it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
