I wish I could teleport
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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