he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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