You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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