it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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