nut hugger
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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