I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
