Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I need a burrito and a hug.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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