I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
