Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
