I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
