I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
