singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
