she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
