don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ketchup is God's man juice
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
