Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
