It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
