I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
