I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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