So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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