Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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