Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
