I wish I could punch you in the face.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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