Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
