Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
