How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
