her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
