I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
