Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
