she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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