i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I currently don't understand fingers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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