people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
