Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
