Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
