"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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