i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
